This is a blog for my daughter Scarlett. She was born with a complex congenital heart defect known as Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Atresia. She is my little hero.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

6 More Hours

Juanita (the surgery scheduler) called my cell phone around 7:00pm tonight. I was pumping so Todd answered my phone. I didn't get to talk to her, but she was just confirming that were were still on for tomorrow morning. She asked if Scarlett had any fever, runny nose, or cold/flue symptoms, which thank God she doesn't.

I'm glad Juanita called because I lost her #, and I wanted to call her tonight to confirm that we were still on for tomorrow. So this is it. In 6 more hours I hand over my precious baby to the surgical team for what I hope and pray will be her "full repair" (see Surgery Explanation 1, 2, 3 in my previous posts).  Then I won't have to worry about this again until she's 3-4 years old. Whereas if Dr. Cleveland is only able to do a "bigger shunt" surgery, we'll be back in the OR (operating room) that much sooner. :(

I suppose I should at least try to get some sleep...yeah right...

I had anxiety nightmare after anxiety nightmare last night. First was the dream where I'm running to the bus stop just as the bus is leaving, then I run to the next one and the same thing. Then dreampt I'm at the airport running to catch a plane before it takes off and I never make it. Then the doozy nightmare was where I was at my mom's old house (the house I grew up in), and I was driving my old car ('88 Nissan Sentra), I was inside my mom's house with Violet for a few hours when I realized I left Scarlett in the car ourside for over 2 hours .... in the summer. As soon as I realize what I had done, I ran out to get her and she was crying her little head off (remember this is a dream/nightmare.. follow me here), and I was crying thinking how could I have left her in the car? Then I woke up in a cold sweat.  Yeah... I'd have to say I'm under a little bit of stress.

I had a lump in my throat for the majority of today. I cried a couple of times, but I only had one total meltdown today. I was feeding Scarlett in her highchair and I was just staring at her adorableness, then out-of-the-blue I just broke down crying...well, literally sobbing because I am so incredibly scared for my little girl. My milk supply has even dwindled a bit. I'm just so nervous. I hope I'm able to contain myself  tomorrow.

Well, it's off to bed. Only 6 more hours...


  1. I will be praying for Scarlett! We will come visit you soon at the hospital...

  2. Melodie my love,
    You are an incredible mommy.
    Our Monday night prayer group just dismissed
    and we prayed for Scarlett.

    We love you all.
    Uncle Raul and Auntie Irene