6 More Hours

Juanita (the surgery scheduler) called my cell phone around 7:00pm tonight. I was pumping so Todd answered my phone. I didn't get to talk to her, but she was just confirming that were were still on for tomorrow morning. She asked if Scarlett had any fever, runny nose, or cold/flue symptoms, which thank God she doesn't.

I'm glad Juanita called because I lost her #, and I wanted to call her tonight to confirm that we were still on for tomorrow. So this is it. In 6 more hours I hand over my precious baby to the surgical team for what I hope and pray will be her "full repair" (see Surgery Explanation 1, 2, 3 in my previous posts).  Then I won't have to worry about this again until she's 3-4 years old. Whereas if Dr. Cleveland is only able to do a "bigger shunt" surgery, we'll be back in the OR (operating room) that much sooner. :(

I suppose I should at least try to get some sleep...yeah right...

I had anxiety nightmare after anxiety nightmare last night. First was the dream where I'm running to the bus stop just as the bus is leaving, then I run to the next one and the same thing. Then dreampt I'm at the airport running to catch a plane before it takes off and I never make it. Then the doozy nightmare was where I was at my mom's old house (the house I grew up in), and I was driving my old car ('88 Nissan Sentra), I was inside my mom's house with Violet for a few hours when I realized I left Scarlett in the car ourside for over 2 hours .... in the summer. As soon as I realize what I had done, I ran out to get her and she was crying her little head off (remember this is a dream/nightmare.. follow me here), and I was crying thinking how could I have left her in the car? Then I woke up in a cold sweat.  Yeah... I'd have to say I'm under a little bit of stress.

I had a lump in my throat for the majority of today. I cried a couple of times, but I only had one total meltdown today. I was feeding Scarlett in her highchair and I was just staring at her adorableness, then out-of-the-blue I just broke down crying...well, literally sobbing because I am so incredibly scared for my little girl. My milk supply has even dwindled a bit. I'm just so nervous. I hope I'm able to contain myself  tomorrow.

Well, it's off to bed. Only 6 more hours...