Today is Saturday, and Scarlett is supposed to go in for her heart cath on Wednesday. I've been reading heart-mommy blogs lately and getting worried about things that could go wrong in the cath lab. I'm also making comparisons of my mom's angiogram and the complications that occured at the insertion site (huge blood clot), and the subsequent problems she's had as a result of her cardiac cath.
I'm trying to be optimistic, but sometimes fear and worry get the best of me. Scarlett's babysitter got sick on Wednesday afternoon, so when she went home for the day, I told her not to come back on Thursday if she was still feeling bad. She sounded pretty congested/runny nose, etc. I have been VERY fortunate with Scarlett's health thus far. She is six months and three weeks and has never really been sick. There was the one time she had a mystery fever and I had to take her to the ER, but that was kind of her only symptom. No bad diarrhea, no uncontrollable vomiting. She's never had a cold (sneezing, runny nose). So I hope and pray everyday that she doesn't get sick before her next surgery.
So, like I said, I've been staying up late for the past couple of nights reading blogs of the heart moms (that I met through my cardiologist group) who have lost their children. I read their blogs all the time, but it's usually only the 'current' posts. But this time, I went backwards in time (blog-wise), to the time when their child was born, had their heart cath, had their heart surgeries, had complications, and finally the last days/hours of their children's lives. I read the posts about the funerals and the days immediately following. I feel soooo sorry for these mothers. They have such strength and grace and they are so amazing. Each time I read another blog, I'd sit here crying silently to myself. I cannot even begin to think about the unimaginable pain they must be in. I thank God everyday I have Scarlett in my life, but knowing that these brave women have the courage to persevere may make it endurable if God chooses to take Scarlett back (whether after complications from her heart cath, or during/after her next surgery).
For now, I just treasure my precious moments with Scarlett and Violet. I love my children sooo much and I am so lucky and thankful to be a mother.